seeking someone to devour
It's a cold, wet New Year's day. There is sweet piano music resounding out the external speakers of the computer. I just need a hot mug of coffee and a cozy fireplace. . . Well, that and some good company. I'd have something and someone to just relax with and simply BE.
What's going on? I'm just tired of fighting the Lord. . . but both the Lord and we gain something through those times of wrestling. Well, I'm still wrestling with Him. Like Jacob, I don't want to let go until He blesses me. Perhaps my thigh is being touched, my natural strength and effort. . . but I still want something else. Being lame is no fun, a preservation maybe, and I wish I could say I have fully learned that one, but I still want to do some much, getting in His way and not allowing Him to do much at all. (After all, He's darn right slow sometimes, actually most the time.), hence, somehow I don't think I have learned it yet. Lord, You have to give us Yourself, or none of this is worth anything. I won't let go until You give us Yourself.
Something else that sucks, is sorting out my life. Oh to just be simple! Being the complicated tripartite being in the process of life. . . isn't necessarily all it's cracked up to be. Maybe where I error is in actually trying to figure it all out. I'd say I'd like to be simple again like a child, but even a child is inquizative(sp) and curious about how things work and such. . . therefore, such a reverse would not be entirely useful. What causes us not simply to love and simply to trust? Is it the cruelness in the world? in our past? in ourselves? Damn curruption. Damn satanic nature. In ourselves we are not safe from it. . . it lurks behind ever corner just waiting to pounce and devour us for a snack. (1 Peter 5;7-11). I hate it. Where are we safe from it? I'm told only in loving Him, in trusting Him. But one knows that we don't even have love for God and trust in Him in and of ourselves. What then? I suppose this is where we need to invite Him in again. . . and not only so, but also receive Him into us through our cooperation with Him by our receiving Him through His word. Allowing Him to become the Love in us, and the Trust/the Faith in us toward God. Running to His word. Opening to Him in His word. Now there's a concept. It seems almost absurd that such a simple seemingly non-related action to my dilemma would work, but perhaps it's worth a try? Would it simplify me? Perhaps. Oh I would hope so.
What's going on? I'm just tired of fighting the Lord. . . but both the Lord and we gain something through those times of wrestling. Well, I'm still wrestling with Him. Like Jacob, I don't want to let go until He blesses me. Perhaps my thigh is being touched, my natural strength and effort. . . but I still want something else. Being lame is no fun, a preservation maybe, and I wish I could say I have fully learned that one, but I still want to do some much, getting in His way and not allowing Him to do much at all. (After all, He's darn right slow sometimes, actually most the time.), hence, somehow I don't think I have learned it yet. Lord, You have to give us Yourself, or none of this is worth anything. I won't let go until You give us Yourself.
Something else that sucks, is sorting out my life. Oh to just be simple! Being the complicated tripartite being in the process of life. . . isn't necessarily all it's cracked up to be. Maybe where I error is in actually trying to figure it all out. I'd say I'd like to be simple again like a child, but even a child is inquizative(sp) and curious about how things work and such. . . therefore, such a reverse would not be entirely useful. What causes us not simply to love and simply to trust? Is it the cruelness in the world? in our past? in ourselves? Damn curruption. Damn satanic nature. In ourselves we are not safe from it. . . it lurks behind ever corner just waiting to pounce and devour us for a snack. (1 Peter 5;7-11). I hate it. Where are we safe from it? I'm told only in loving Him, in trusting Him. But one knows that we don't even have love for God and trust in Him in and of ourselves. What then? I suppose this is where we need to invite Him in again. . . and not only so, but also receive Him into us through our cooperation with Him by our receiving Him through His word. Allowing Him to become the Love in us, and the Trust/the Faith in us toward God. Running to His word. Opening to Him in His word. Now there's a concept. It seems almost absurd that such a simple seemingly non-related action to my dilemma would work, but perhaps it's worth a try? Would it simplify me? Perhaps. Oh I would hope so.
posted by mlejane at 1:06 PM
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